An Affair With Creativity
And how to keep the attraction going
When I first read Big Magic in 2018, a collection of essays on creative living by Elizabeth Gilbert, the passage that stuck with me most throughout the years was the one about having an affair with your creativity.
“Stop treating your creativity like it’s a tired, old, unhappy marriage (a grind, a drag) and start regarding it with the eyes of a passionate lover.”
Throughout the book, Gilbert lovingly challenges us to take to our creative work lightly. To pursue and attract inspiration just as it might pursue us in those lightning-bolt moments of creative genius. To treat your creative work the way you would a lover.
I am, admittedly, still trying to conjure my own delicious relationship with my creativity. I do “sneak off” as Gilbert suggests, and relish in the secrecy of my projects. Yet the passion is not yet one that will pull me wide-eyed from my bed in the early hours of the morning.
Gilbert reminds us, later on, that love is a two-way street. Why would inspiration ever want to show up for one of our clandestine meetings, if I show up frumpy looking, foul-mooded, and distracted by other matters? That’s not any fun for inspiration at all.
I love a new year and the promise of new projects, ideas, and connections. And while in the past I’ve made little lists of promises to do and be better with my writing and creativity, this year I’m saying no thank you to the hard-lined structure of New Year’s rules and resolutions. (Call it one last defiance in Saturn’s face as he ends his return in my chart this month.)
Instead, I’m letting this relationship with creativity unfold. I’m inviting a little mystery of not quite knowing where the second or third date will lead. And I’m releasing the expectation of a proposal or a marriage in the end (read: external success in the writing world).
If you’re still pondering your creative resolutions, perhaps consider this: to pursue creativity as a reciprocal relationship, with love and respect as the foundation. To meet with creativity each day the same way you would prepare for, greet, and entertain a lover.
Here’s what this is looking like for me.
Showing up: If I ghost creativity, it will ghost me right back. If I’m late (without notice or good excuse), it will move on. I will respect my relationship with creativity by being consistent, prompt, and dependable. And I trust it will return the same courtesy.
Dedicated attention: I know how amazing it feels when someone looks straight into my eyes, tunes out the rest of the world, and listens to every word I’m saying. I suppose creativity likes that, too.
Beautifying my office space: This little corner of my house is by far my most-used, yet neglected when it comes to decor, comfort, and overall atmosphere. Not at all an ideal date-night setting. Time to fill it with a rug, plants, books, art, pictures. A place to invite inspiration and interest.
Adornment: Hand-in-hand with elevating my office atmosphere, it’s time to feel a little fancy as I sweep off to meet with creativity. Dressing comfortably yet pulled together. A spritz of perfume. A red lip. A piece of jewelry I don’t wear that often. Just a little something every day to mark how I’m physically and mentally showing up.
No expectations: My affair with creativity is for a good time. A loving, respectful, passionate one. But I will not expect it to pay my bills or solve my other problems or tend my ego or carry me towards societal standards of success.
Happy New Year, friends. What new energy are your bringing with you into 2023?